Zombies And Love Letters

Help me to see the me that I must be

Placing my head on the chopping block

Black lights fill the sky and no one knows

They only see the outcome and not the struggle

Not understanding that someone had to die

So that they could breath free

Chained to the door

I am so close to love and yet so far

When I look into your eyes

I see that you are lost and without fear

For you don't know of the monster

That lives underneath your bed

Well I have meet these beasts of evil

And I've become one of them

Alone from the beginning I am even more now

A new breed of hate formed in my heart

Seeking who it may devour

You were the one that I could make mine

Yet in the end it all fell apart

Like all the times before

No one stays, they all then go

Away and gone for good never to return

So I sit and play a psalm to the city of the dead

A tribute to a life that was never lived

Crashing in a coffin made by my own two hands

Images of fallin angels begin to fill my head

As I was one with them, my brothers of hatred

Now I wait here for a sign and enter into the end of time

Life is something bigger then just zombies and love letters

It is a sad story of hearts and souls lost to fire

And the tears begin to dig our graves before our time

Eating away at our flesh like a poision from the unknown

Becoming one with the underworld now

I am greeted with greetings of demons and the lost souls

Join our army of the dead they say

But to them I reply I have already joined

Enlisted long ago when my heart fell and the light left my soul

I've been with you everyday

For those were the days that I was without love

The little boy that plays inside my chest

Cried everyday, every night, everytime I went out

Knowing that I would be hurt like all the times before

Just a monster like all the rest, I find no rest in men

No peace in the arms of another, no desired fate

All that is within me has now passed

Letting it out it falls and breaks, spilling into the unknown place

So with nowhere to go who will come to me?

No one is the answer inside my head

For the little boy speaks when I do not know

Crying out for someone to see me for who I am to be

Wishing so hard that I may die to be loved for real this time

The pain never dies and the hate never stops

I hate all those who won't love me when I loved them

Now make this life worth living for me

Help me to see past all that stands infront of me

And into the realm where I can be real

She Dies In December

Cold lips turn red against my skin

Warming to the bone

But dead cold inside

No heart, no joy, no laughter can be found

Winter comes with the harsh north wind

Blowing down the walls built up over the spring

Vicious words fill the air and travel on the wind

I don't know you

You don't know me

I never loved you

And you never loved me

So she dies at the twinkle in my eye

When the tear forms

Ice builds and cracks inside her mind

Trying to figure out the reasons why

There are no reasons for them who are living

With so many trials and tribulations

Calling fire down won't even warm her soul

As the soft kisses that never were melt away

Covered by the snow of a thousand winters passed

There is no returning for those lost in the cold

Who wonder and look for themselves in the hearts of others

I am not the one I see in the mirror

The reflection in the ice is not my face

So with you I die too

Along the frozen tuntra of our lives

For all the warm places of my heart have died

Look Again

One battle faught another battle done

Victory over enemies stronger then I

The little one who knows the eyes of death

Staring death in the eye he blinked first

I was the one no one said would get there

And when I got there first they were gasping

For I choked them out and made them bleed

Watching them suffer, yeah this is what gets me off

Look again didn't have anything to do with all of that

That was just a little vent of what I hold

Taking things that aren't mine like malice and anger

But anyway lets get onto the subject

One girl gone and more to find

I walk through the cold dark world

Looking for something that I can finally hold

Someone that won't leave and someone who will love

Not just love but love me for me

Without drama and hurting

No more of this world that makes my soul bleed

I was once the one that killed the masses

Now I find myself in a mass grave with only me

A hole dug for the extermination of the world
I dug my own grave and others put me in it

The darkness becomes my friend

And my eyes grow hollow casting all hope away

Bitting back at the hand that feeds

Can't you be the one to come along and tame me?

Written in blood everything goes bad

My life story plays out just the way the demon wrote it to be

First I'm born and then I die

So simple and so easy yet so difficult to see

There is so much inbetween

Life lives between the lines on the pages

Reason passes away with me as I am forever alone

Chapter by chapter and day by day

I grow weaker in my attempt to grow to know you

The one I will grow old with and love forevermore

A Day In The Life Of Another

Walking in the woods of another time

Dead trees fall and line the ground

Covered in fire the smoke rises in prayer

Crying out to someone to be set free

Chained to iniquity, they are lost forever

Yet the yearnings remain as they waste away

Now the shadows return

And darkness takes form once again

As the presence of evil returns to me

I see the horns of the wretched one

Covered in malice and rage

A wonderland of hatred is his domain

In the life of a man there is so much anger

But I have the lived the life of eternal men

Where anger is my speech and my name

To live as someone else would be a miracle

With new life to breath and to see

What the world looks like without this smokescreen

Locked away I will never see the day

Only the night holds me, keeping me near

And in my treachery terror controls my mind

Over and over reviewing your death

As well as mine by the same hand

Covering your sins with murder

A greater sin eats away the weaker

Sanctified by torture my wounds go unhealed

Shattered by the sun I last beyond my years

No help in sight the blisters come and spread

Like the disease of a broken heart I fall

What becomes of the wretched man?

Let me live in the soul of another life

Breaking Bones Inside My Own Body

Craving, Reaching, Touching

Calling out your name

The name I have no name for

A thought inside my head

What is going on with me?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Broken, Shattered, Lifeless

I cannot find myself on this night

Here comes the haymaker

Not even trying to duck I get knocked out

There's a fine line between love and hate

And I hate you

And I love you

How is it I fucking hate you?

How is it I fucking love you?

Four letter words that are worlds apart

My bones feel like they'll break on their own

Cracking in my skin I can feel them burst

Now I want to run my head through a wall

My eyes can no longer see

And the sin looks so tempting

I want to stay away and I want to stay right

But to hell with that lets do it and never get caught

Falling harder then ever before

There is so much I want but how can I ask

It has to be given or must it be taken?

Unknown to me it was always one or the other

This fucking world is killing me

Fuck, this fucking world is killing me!

Living now for something that I can't find

The tortue returns as I can only die tonight

Speak to me someone who will hear

Tell me it's all gonna be alright

That you'll stay with me forever past this night

Lonesome doves now sit and sing a sad song

Of me alone and lost forever

Gone from what I love, the love of another

I can't even feel myself

Something lethal has come my way

Something dark has come my way

Demons that I put on the shelf are back to life

Just a lost motherfucker, they all were right

I am gonna die, I am gonna die, I am gonna die!

I Just Broke Up With You...Now What?

Taking the time but not really thinking

Looking back to when I thought

That things between us weren't really working out

You don't speak and I speak too much

And when I ask if you loved me

You say that you seem not to know thee

Well that is enough for me

Even after I asked you what seems like a thousand times

Now I must give this exaltation

That once again I am alone and looking

Something very close to how I was when I was with you

A girl that is too pure for me

The cleanliness of your heart made my eyes hurt

Not shedding any tears for me yet my heart breaks for you

Hoping that you aren't hurt at all

And that in the end we can still be friends

But now I walk on and take a back the parts of me

That I shared with you since you never understood anyway

For love was never there, it was all one sided

Putting up our walls, throwing away pebles one at a time

I throw a stone and you throw a grain

The wall came down and yours was not even touched

I reached out to know you

And in the end I spilled the beans and you didn't eat

Showing all that I am and all that I was

I wonder how it is you didn't understand the stories I told

So you're not my girlfriend anymore and that's okay

The days will go on and you'll be alright in the end

Slow Dance With Pain

Anguish fills the eyes of the young

Seeking, hoping, looking, chasing

Dreams that will go unfulfilled

That will go unseen by those that matter

No one matters but the lost

So many lost to this lot and will not fight

They will not stand, they will not try

Just like I, the king of the broken children

No night-lights, no guide, no hope

So far from the truth, it's so hard to get back

With the flame of what is right blown out

Pain comes in every form possible

Now on wings of lead the shoots ring out

Slicing wrists like pieces of paper

Blood falls and hearts go out as lungs breath their last

For when the hurting die the world then cries in sorrow

Not while they live in the world of the dead

Do the self-righteous offer the hand of help

Waltzing to a song that is sung by the rotting

By corpses of men that are no longer living

A dance is made that defies mind and body

Calling for death and calling for life

All in one the confusion takes over this chosen bunch

Everything passes with time

But the souls of the hurting last forever

Walking the earth with black marks from tears

Locked to their faces like criminals to crimes

So slowly over time they will all meet as one

And look to me and ask

How is it you got away?

Breaking the chains of self blame and worthless pitty?

Open your eyes now and see

There is a world of pain out there

That they try to hide away

Fighting is the only way out

To bring back light to the dark ways

You have to force hell to spit you out

Take hold of yourself and be set free

It's all inside, yet so hard to see

Now everything is blurry and the tears come back agian

But with a different taste now

Something inside has changed, the pain has lost the hold

The hold we give it on our very souls

For now we walk away with a smile on our faces

But the ghosts of hated pasts still remain

So on and on the dance continues

Stuck in the middle of a war game for eternity

Look back and see that the scars begin to fade

Though the memory is fresh in rememberence

Again I reach and again I'm knocked away

The little boy falls down and gets up again

Walking alone once again this world is always the same

But with one foot infront of the other

I will carry on, even with this pain

Placed firmly on me, the broken me of yester-year

And the me I'll be when tomorrow draws near

Why Keep On?

Why do you keep on?

You come back again and again

Oven and over you won't stop

How many times do I have to say go away?

How many times do I have to say I hate you?

Then you call to speak of the sunset

Are you so thick nothing gets in?

What the hell is wrong with you?

No one can be that stupid

But you are the exception to the rule

You're not even worth thinking of anymore

So for that this poem is about to run out...

Set This Whore On Fire!

DEAR FUCKING WHORE,

This is my letter to you

Since you wrote to me I am gonna write back to you

Fuck you, trying to spread lies against me

Bitch don't ever step between me and my friends

Don't look don't speak don't think don't breath

Just go and fucking die bitch I want nothing of you

Calling me a liar I look dead in your eyes and scream

How dare you fucking confront me bitch

Just a bastard daughter

I see in your eyes the mistakes that lay behind your life

Too fucking stupid to see

Your mothers a crackwhore and your father is a fuck-up

Put the two together and a fucking maggot is spawned

You aren't even good enough for dog shit motherfucker

And in the end I'll set you, bitch, on fire

An asshole like everyone else, you just had to be the best

The best retard of the bunch

Trying to set me up for failure

Don't you see the murderer that I am?

Do you not understand that I kill just for the blood?

And to kill you would be extra special for me

For out of revenge the spirits of those dead suffer more

To see their actions come back to haunt them

Now that is true satisfaction

Burning you to the fucking ground would make me glad

To hear you scream for me to stop as I rape you

This would make my heart leap

Just the whore that couldn't have me because for once I was too good

Calling down the fire now my life is about to be complete

As you are gone from it forever and I say goodbye asswipe

Bitch's like you don't deserve to live

They only deserve to die, and die they shall

For if you step up to me with your fucking bullshit

I'll end you faster then anything ever seen

Tearing you apart now, cry and plead for me

Making it all the greater for me to beat the shit out of you

I am the demon that comes in the night

Stalking you for eternity you are lost in fright

But just being afraid is not enough
I will teach you the meaning of terror bitch

And what it means to truely stare death in the face

I am death, death incarnate, the father of all hatred

And it all burns against you, for my rage is great

Fuck you bitch I'll rip out your fucking heart

Then before you die you'll say why

I did it to eat it before your fucking eyes

Now bow down low as I ravage you through the night

Submit to me your king, ruler over your life

Legalistic piece of shit I fucking hate you

Cutting your throat just wouldn't be enough

Filled with fire now it's bursting forward to consume you whole

I'll send you to the fucking devil now

For he is the only one that is worse then I

So from one horror to another

Your life you now see has only amounted to nothing

Now is your time to die, don't cover your eyes

Here comes the pain, here comes the wrath

Open wide I am about to let your soul out

And crush it under my feet so it shall never meet eternity

Fucking whore that's what you get

Love,
The Man Who Fucking Hates You!

Romance Of The Unloved

A broken heart will not mend

No love lost and no love found

I try so hard to get you to see

That my love for you is forever real

Yet you don't see and I can't understand

You take things so slow

That in the end it brings me down

To be loved is all I ask

And you couldn't even do that

So now I walk away and the tears come

Red hot with sorrow and embarrassment

I poured out my heart to you

And you couldn't understand what it was

Becoming just a mass of blood in your hands

You look to it and look to me to see

So showing you the answer you still don't hear

Why is it no one can love me?

Even the different ones don't seem to try

Only out of spite or pitty or maybe worry on my behalf

How is it that you have a romance with an unloved?

When we once walked in the clouds of love

We now sit in the sun of defeat

It will never work out now between us

You can't love and I can't wait

Moving so slow I can't wait for life to speed up

Living in slow motion for so long it ate away my soul

So this is goodbye but not good reddens

I'll use the words everyone hates,

Lets just be friends

And leave it at that

Proud

Pride goes before destruction

Walking with heads held high

The haughty ones soon will fall

No faith without works to be shown

You must see the proof before any are believed

Is love like this for you as well?

Must a miracle occur for you to see

That when I reached out to you

You took without a word and threw me to the ground

Without even looking back

You spit on me and never gave me another chance

Even in my sin of doing nothing at all

The sin that I always seem to be blamed for

Speak the words that you are proud of me

And it all means nothing when I'm not proud of myself

Craving for me to see the me that other may see

There is this part of me that drives to be free

You were never the one who cared

More love came from perfect strangers them from thee

The perfecters of my hatred

Creating thoughts in me that make me bleed

I must stand for something today and it must be me

To be proud that I am changing the ways you've set for me

So hard to see past the fires you start to end me

I will break through and fight until the end time

Showing all that I can once and for all be proud of me

Flight Of The Thought Crusader

Fuck you bitch, you fucking whore

Fuck you all, you're not even alive

Now as I lay dying on the cold hard ground

I say fuck this world that's blinded your eyes

Fucking lost it's about time you see

The truth is returning and it's coming with me

Breaking it over you fucking heads

The pain sets in just like when it hit me

Fallin to nothing the night comes in

Killing you off one lost soul at a time

Murder on my breath now I reach for the gun

Thinking back I throw it away and take you with my hands

Ripping you apart limb from limb

Blood goes everywhere like the numbness of my head

Mutilated bodies and decaying flesh

Line the ground like rose pedals in romance novals

But without sweet kisses and undying love

My hatred is what's sweet and my rage the undying

Going after you with knife in hand

I gut you like the motherfucker you are and never look again

Never again looking at the beast you are

For the title you carried you placed on me

The though crusader is out of his cage now

Ready to kill and ready to steal

Steal back my life that you ruined with your lies

Well fuck you all now is my time to shine

I am proud for once in my life and you won't hide my light

You are always so fucking wrong that I want to barf

There is nothing left to show for your wasting years

Withering to nothing I hate you with a passion

So strong that I have no other emotions at all

All you bitchs and all you fuckers, every whore that broke my heart

You will face your day of judgement and I will be there

But on that day I won't be the victim I'll be the judge

With gavel in hand I'll condem you all to hell

Burning you first with words and then with fire

Watching you becoming nothing will be my reward

Save the treasure and the fancy gifts

Seeing you all in torment is the present I wish

Now coming true with every eternal second

I can smile now that you are the nothing I once was

Leprosy

This corruption is leeking in

Causing disruption the sin takes me

Breaking down the walls

A barrier goes up to protect the guiltless

Not seen with the same eyes now

I must look to you with an inner sight

Seeing that you aren't who you make yourself to be

Just an unclean fool following me

You leper, you vermon, you swine

Nothing good comes from you

Only puss and your fallen remains

Causing your limbs to rot

Piece by piece you break apart like the death of a tree

Bark lines the ground where you lay

With every breath death comes closer

And in the light you melt away

Only in darkness can you remain a hopeless soul

Craving for me to join you, to be one of your kind

Boils form and all know that you are wicked

Touch me and be killed, or is this your wish?

To be seen for who you are, to be greeted with open arms?

No more of this for you as you have fallen away

Cleansed am I the son of perfection

Forced into sacrificial slavery I was sent to save the people

Yet you are the one I couldn't save

And you hated me in the end for it

Now back to the colony you go alone with your plague

Death is what you see at the end of the tunnel

In your dreams that never look real

Pain and torture are in store for you now

You monarch among the slain

In flames now you show your scars that form tomorrow

For your flesh and blood are cursed among all men

And your soul is locked to a worse fate

Nothing but a filthy rag of you is left

As eternal pain takes you over the edge

This is what you get for trying to infect me

A disease that just won't go away

Suffer now you pathetic worm

Be gone from me and the ones I love

Hurt

Did you think I would die for you?

Forsaking all I am and give it all to you?

You sick motherfucker how could you be so bold?

Calling down a prophecy of doom while the oracle slept

Not seeing the fire falling, doesn't mean it doesn't exsist

Hurting me so bad I cry out for it to stop

A pain so deep and so wide that it kills me to think of it

To see it again in my minds eye brings it all back

The fire inside my heart now burns for something new

It yearns for your flesh to be set ablaze

And to have your blood flow through the streets

I wish to see you run through with a pole

Strung up for all to see

You so badly want to be like me

Now you will know the hurt I went through to become me

The bloodshed and suffering that I endured

Just to say that I am me, above the world or trechary

Burn for me now bastard and scream my name out loud

Let the whole world know why you suffer

Have them see the truth behind your veil of tears

Crying won't stop me, murder sees no end

Killing one means killing all, and your like will not escape

You killed me so many times before
Just in different shapes and form

Die now you fucking worm and wither away for good

The fire has been lit and your blood begins to fall

A crown of thorns I place on your head to mock you

One fucking pharisee like so many who came before

Dressed in royal robs you wish to be god like

Well no one achieves that role I tried long ago

Now to know me you will know pain and you will wish to die

For when I cried out in the dark no one came

Betrayed by all I knew you will know the same fate as I

Broken and lost I will be the devil driver shanking your fucking spine

Go and meet the maker of evil as you look into my eyes

Fucking ending you would be so perfect

But I can't let you out the easy way

Torture is in store for you, the ones who nailed me to a modern day cross

There is nothing good about this day for hatred has overcome

Over your head the water falls and turns to blood

As you try to swim away you drown in your sins

The sins that you so often spewed at me

So you want to be a bondservant

Well serve me with your flesh stupid bitch and spread your legs

Let me ravage you in a manner that your ravaged me

Black eyes and brusied egos will be your last worry

I am the creator of a time and place where no one escapes

So die you fucking asshole

You've hurt me for far too long

Suffocating On Words Of Stupidity

Telling me to go to hell was first

What the fuck will be next

Fucking bitch you think of yourself too high

Nobody gives a fuck at all about you

No one cares about what you say or who you are

You will choke on your words of ignorance towards me

Yelling and screaming will get you no where

For I will steal the words right out of your mouth

I've heard them all before

Your hatred toward me is not silent anymore

All I see is you trying to blind the world to your mistakes

Can't you feel the heat bearing down on you now

The next thing you will see is me ligthing the blaze

Starting first with your feet and ending with your head

Blood with consume the fire and put it to sleep

And you will sleep in a grave made of maggots

For all the times you thought of me as just another faggot

Well I am far above the ways of this world

And my judgment is always just and true

So for you foul words against me I say fuck you

This is the end of your fucking world and with it goes you

Time to die motherfucker the days of stupidity are gone

Yes the day has come when I will have victory

And that time is now

Struggle

Tossed between the good and bad

With the bad not being so bad after all

And in my heart two faces arise

That which is right and that which feels right

The difference so easily seen yet unseen

My flesh and soul battle for dominance

A struggle as old as night and day

Back and forth the pain is overcomming

One will not touch while the other will touch all

Reaching deep past the heart and into the unknown

Closing my eyes I wish for it to go away

Wishing that the answer would appear before me

Yet nothing comes after my hours of prayer

Everyday the other side looks so tempting

But in my mind I wonder if it really is a temptation

Could someone so close to the other be wrong?

Evil, does it exsist in the heart of the other?

Struggles come and struggles go but this will last all time

For what I do now could destroy the plot of my life

My lot may be cast in sin after the choice I make

So hard to see into the future that is out of reach

Not knowing what will come and what will go

Two battle for my heart at this moment

And in the end no one comes out on top

Can't there be a third choice that makes the others go away?

Can't there be a solution that makes it all easy?

Finding it hard to breath now I need answers to my questions

One wins on a whisper and the other a quality

Each eye filled with the other and each ear hearing their love

Unable to pick my heart sinks in my chest

Not wanting anyone hurt this life is hard with love

I want the one that will...then I don't know the rest

Raw and broken, break down and let me see who you really are

Only the most true will win

And that one will be with me forever and beyond

Though until the answer comes I must stuggle

Watching the race between spirit and skin

Just like I have in the past

It repeats all over again

Die Another Day

Sucking on the tit of the earth's weatlth

Cleaning out all that was left and a little more then that

Today it rained, I think someone was cryin'

I'm sick like a dog

Screaming at the top of my lungs for you to give up

Listen up because the time is now

Hell turned over and water ran out

Call the cops or call the shots

There is one chance to make your wrongs right

Dying to wake up from this crazy dream

Running barefoot over glass and spikes

I'm the one that gets in trouble over all this

Born into adversity my middle name is animosity

Danger is my last and heartache is my first

Names of pain and that get you thrown out

But today is not the day I die

Even as the blood pour out through my eyes

I don't die, I won't, I will never die

Only when my enemies are dust will I rest

12 stones thrown and 13 come back

Unlucky chances the magic numbers become ashes

The ugly head of malice is shown

And I was the one who had to stare in his eyes

Creating a monster, I've said it so many times before

So don't rain on my parade of chaos lover

I've already chosen to die another day