What Do I See Myself To Be

Filled to the brim of the bucket

Overflowing with hatred inside

Black fires burn inside my eyes

Is this reality or my true state of mind?

What am I, is it who I see,

Looking back at me in the cloudy mirror

Black seeds of terror grow to combine

With the sighs I exhale from my dying womb

Webs of broken spirits form deep inside

And I cry out with a tongue made of dust

I see myself to be weak and unworthy

Knowing that others would speak otherwise

Unbelieving words are all that enter my ears

My darkest hour has approached

As the iceangel comes to take me by hand

Leading me on to eternal hell fire

This is all I see myself worthy of finding

Waking up to more bad dreams

The reflection is of me only worthy of dying

Ugly beyond words I let it all sink in
For no one told me I was special

And no one saw any characteristic worth mention

I was made to live with a dead weight tide to my neck

Flattered now by the words of strangers

Making me look back and think

Who is it that I really see?

What do I see myself to truely be?

My poor broken wings must expand and learn to fly

Away from this white washed life

Where everything looks great on the outside

Except to my eyes that are locked on the inside flaws

Allow me to line up the world and ask them

Am I beautiful, am I worth a second look back?

You make the decision and I'll make it my own

Is this right, to go about viewing myself like this?

The only way I know how, to judge me on others standards

Can I just be for a day content with myself?

To have the esteem to carry my head on high?

Will my heart ever be opened to the new truth of others,

That I am worth it, and good looking at that?

How is that appreneces mean so much to me,

When I never thought I was worth a fucking damn?

I must learn to see myself in a new light

Taking the things I like and making them mine

But in time will all these things come about

And until then I will sit and wait and wonder

How it is I see myself