My Fears Have Become My Phobias

Staying away from the mirrors

I wish not to see myself

Wondering why it is that I hate myself

Every picture of me is full of imperfections

There is one that loves me

And I sit and wonder how this could be

I'm full of every wrong thing

Yet she is still there to see me through

Unafraid of the blackness I hold inside

She's addicted to me and I can't understand

When there are so many better fish in the sea

That she could just stop and pick me

What makes me so great

What makes me stand out

In my mind I see nothing

Though others see something magnificent

Now my poetic mind begins to stop

As your beauty makes me tongued tied

And the fear I hold of losing you

Has become my unknown phobia

This terror overtakes me and I stop breathing

Silently dying I begin to burn

I can't stand anything about me

How is it that you can love me?

The world now crashes around me

Will I ever be free to love just me?

Something tells me yes and something says no

Tell me how I must feel

Tell me how it is I make you feel

For if I understand my effect of others

Maybe I can pass some over to me

But I'm tired of being alone and afraid

As letting go is so hard, even with all I am I want to say goodbye

O what is this life of mine coming to?

Lost in a world where I'm the one without hope

The exhorter made to be a victim in a world of servants

There will always be some dead body connected to me

Yet my blessed among women remains

Why is it that you don't want to run away?

My flesh smells of decay, can't you see me rotting?

This is making my head spin and I don't know the reason why

Reality and fear seem to now be mixing

As ghostly images pass from my eyes to the earth

Can you just stop and read my mind

Tell me exactly what it is I need to hear

I wish to no longer suffer this way

Someone come and heal me, someone take the pain